Not knowing exactly what to expect, I started off on my adventure. It said to bring something comfortable to sleep in. " My comfort was very important!" I believe that was the exact wording. I show up about 35 min before my time, just to make sure I could find the place. I was already tired and yawning a lot more than usual so I figured this would be a breeze. After a few min of paperwork it was time for orientation. I knew I was going to have a few electrodes stuck to me, but I didn't expect anything like this. My head was marked and sectioned like I was going in for brain surgery. Then an electrode was GLUED to each intersecting point. I had one behind each ear, beside each eye, each side of the corners of my mouth, and on my throat.there were also electrodes stuck to my chest and each calf had two. A measurement belt around my stomach and one around my chest and last but not least, an air tube that went in each side of my nose, and had an extra tube to go to my mouth. I now know what a fish feels like on the hook!
Now, I look like Pinhead from Hellraiser with about 40 feet of wires coming out of the back of my head. The tech tells me to stand up and get into bed. The wires to the electrodes on my calves are about a foot too short,so I have to walk all hunched over to the bed. After a short stay on my back, I can move to any position I want. Sure, what a neat trick that will be!
Starting off the night, the finger sock kept coming undone, after 4 trips, the tech had it working again and I could roll onto my side for some shut eye. The 40 feet of wires had another idea though. Once on my side, half of them came unplugged, the leads to my legs were so short I couldn't stretch out, and I felt like I was choking on wires. Where's my fucking comfort now, damnit?
The tech returns to fit me with a mask. I guess I was so tired, that I actually fell asleep, even though it didn't feel like it. Alright, the tube come out of the nose and mouth, great! At least I can breath again. That is until the mask goes on. Then I couldn't breath at all. After a few air adjustments, I was breathing again and out like a light.
The tech wakes me at 4:30, as the test is concluded. He removes what electrodes he had glued on, but the sticky pads on my legs and chest he leaves. His statement was that a hot shower would remove them very easily. So off I go to shower and wash the goo from my hair and get ready for work. I notice as I walk out of the front of the hospital, my reflection in the window shows me looking like Eraserhead, so I figure I'd better not stop for breakfast.
Once at home, it's off to the shower to get the pads off while trying not to wake everyone in the house yet, as it is still early. The first pad was really stuck, so I let the hot water run over it for a few min. I grabbed and ripped it off. My scream woke everyone in the house. Damn that hurt! It took hair, and even a little skin with it. Alright, 1 down, 5 to go. Now for the second one. I believe I woke the neighbors with that scream. My comfort???? I was looking around for a hidden camera, when my wife came in to see what was going on. I figured the tech may have been a sick SOB and glued these on to see a reaction and maybe had hidden a camera somewhere to watch.
Screw this, I'm going to leave the other 4 on till they fall off on their own. My wife decides a little lotion is in order. At least the skin isn't coming off with the pads, but all of my fur is coming off with each one. I nearly bit through my wallet trying to keep from screaming. You are some sick bastards, you sleep center people, you! I now have two red patches on my chest and four spots on my calves with round cutouts where hair used to be. But I'm free of the pads and off to work.
My comfort???? You torturous asses! Piss off!
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