Ending of Tradition?

People who know me, know I am heavily involved in the Elks. My folks have been involved since the early 70s. While I was a little late getting in, I jumped in with both feet. I have served as an officer at my lodge and was Exalted Ruler two times, but not back to back. I am only the 4th person in or Lodge's history to do this, and the first that was not consecutive. I have been in charge of various Lodge committees as well as District and State committees. I have also been elected as District Vice President for the 2014-2015 term. The above is what I feel qualifies the statements below.

There has been a great debate in the Elks, not just my Lodge, about why we are doing what we do and what we stand for. I think people get the wrong idea about the Elks. Lots of people only seem to know us as a bar. For some of the members, it is the whole reason they joined.  Cheap drinks and a place to hang out. While it is true, the Elks were founded by actors in New York who wanted a place to drink after the show on Saturday night/Sunday morning, that reason was circumvented shortly after they were started, when they found out they could do good things with their organization. The Elks have become a leading force in doing good things for nearly 150 years now.

Still, the problem persists, people only think of us as a bar. In my Lodge, this becomes most evident, when something happens and we need to close the bar. Most notably is our meeting time. Our rules state the bar is closed during Lodge meetings. So that bar full of members, hits the door running, to get to the next bar down the road, at meeting time twice a month, only to return an hour or two later, when the meeting is over. When there is a weather event, like a few years ago when we had 20 inches of snow in an 8 day period, we closed. We were closed for 10 days. The bar flies hired someone to clear the parking lot so we could open the bar. Mind you, the state authorities were telling everyone not to drive unless it was an emergency, but our selfish bar flies HAD to have their drink. 

This week, school has been out for 4 days now due to a snowstorm. The parking lot was plowed the first day and our bar has been open every day. While this time, there has not been very many people out there, the fact is that it was done and open. Now for the part that REALLY disturbs me, not just the drunks driving around, and drunks driving in bad weather conditions just because they need their drink and we can't close one day because of that. What bothers me is, this is also the first time in our Lodge's history we missed a mandatory ceremony. We can plow the lot and open the bar, but we can't have one 15 min, mandatory ceremony to honor or members who have died this year? I am now truly ashamed at everyone involved. The thing that is really annoying is the ceremony was to have been performed on the Sunday before the snow hit! All anyone can worry about is if the bar is open and can I get my drink.

We, like may other organizations, have a problem of membership. My Lodge has over 500 members, but it is only a small handful who actually come to events, or come to the bar. I have about 20-30 regulars that we refer to as bar flies. These people only come to the bar, and very seldom, to an event, and almost never, if ever, a meeting. I have another 10-15 people who come to events and volunteer to help with events. These are the people who come to the meetings. The majority of members never come out. They just pay their dues thinking it supports the Lodge. Well I'm here to tell you, the Lodge doesn't run on dues. It runs on Do's. Do you come to meetings? Do you come to events? Do you volunteer? The answer for most is, No, No, No! Why would you pay dues to a club and never come out? Well I know lots of reasons. Everyone has their own reason. I have heard everything from the number one answer, smoking, to bar flies. I don't like going because of the smoke, but I do still go. I have made it known that I may have to stop going if something isn't done about the smoke, and that is the reason a lot of people don't go. But without your voice, we can't change anything, and the barflies win! They will continue to smoke up the place, without turning on the equipment we have to deal with it, because they are too noisy, and ignore our important ritualistic ceremonies, in the name of getting their cheap drink!

This to to every member of the Elks, although directed at my members, GET INVOLVED! You need to come to meetings and have your ideas heard. We have made our meetings non-smoking events. We have made our dining and Limited Menu events, non-smoking! We are working on making other events non-smoking, but we need your help to make it so!

Bar flies breed more bar flies, and we will always have them. What we lack are Good Elks! These are the people who get involved in their Lodge! These are the people who make a difference in the lives of our community. These are the people who help our state's needy children! The Good Elks!

Be A Good Elk Today!

What is wrong with us today?

Our kids have more things to do right this second, that we had our whole lives, yet I hear, " I'm bored" so much I want to slap the crap out of them. If I do, then I can go to jail for child abuse. WAIT, WHAT?

 

Child abuse was not taking care of your kids, and giving them cigarettes and booze when they were too young, or trying to sexually molest them, or starve them, or try to kill them. Not spanking them! Now I find if I swat my kid on the ass in public, not only is it child abuse but sexual assault too? Who the fuck came up with this lame assed idea? Say something to me while I am smacking my kids in Wal-Mart, and you're next! Everyone has to be worried about what everyone else is doing, but not themselves.

Speaking of Wal-Mart, I understand we are to boycott them because their employees don't get paid enough? Should we boycott schools because our teachers don't get paid enough? How about McDonalds? Burger King? The fact is, NONE of us get paid enough! Except for a certain small group of folks who don't ever have to worry about paying bills or buying groceries. But you can't only blame the wealthy fat cats, it really is on the shoulders of government. Not a political party, ALL of government. Once elected, officials start playing the game instead of actually making difference, thereby screwing you and me in the process.

Maybe we should look at how things work. If your wealthy, you pay less of a percentage in taxes, true it may be more dollars, but it is less of a percentage of what you make. If your poor, you pay nothing and get handouts from the government. Why are these people not employed by the government to do things like pick up trash or mow lawns in public parks, etc. if your in the military, you get a really raw deal. Once your service is completed, you get cared for, but at substandard levels, plus you get laid off. I have not understood why military isn't a full time, lifetime career. When they come back from war, why not keep them employed in government doing things they were trained to do like building roads, bridges and maintaining them. Running and supplying military installations, or just showing up and working out so we have the most kick ass forces on earth? Instead they get kicked to the curb and treated sub-standardly.

Meanwhile, the rest of us give 1/3 or more of our income in taxes. We may get 1/10 back when we file our tax returns if we are lucky. But then groceries, gas, taxes, insurance and all the other basics needed for life cost more so we are broke again, and when we try to get ahead, the government has these special taxes they charge to take what you make extra. Bonus checks are supposed to be taxed at 48%. I have been lucky so far, and not received one in a while, thanks to the economy, so I don t have to worry right now, but it is coming.

The government has to protect us from our own stupidity, since we as people don't know what is good or bad for us. Drugs that could make a difference are withheld because they are untested? I think it is government population control. We are not dying fast enough, yet they want to make other products safer?  

Along this line, I am puzzled by people who protest at executions? The killer has repented and is saved by God, so where is the justice? If he is saved he's going to Heaven, not Hell. I guess they look at it as WE are going to Hell for killing him? "Governments will be judged for their actions." I believe it is stated that way in the bible. I would tend to say, if they don't kill the bastard for the 22 people he killed on his 3 year, multi-state killing spree, they are not doing their job. But how do you send a government to Hell. Wait, we are already there? There was a reason we used to have public hangings on the square! It tended to keep crime down. Anyway, there is a greater plan that we will not know about till the end.

On to conspiracy theories! This week marks the 50th anniversary of JFK 's assassination. Talk about cloak and dagger shit! This has to be the biggest conspiracy in American history. If you are like the countless mindless sheep who believe the Warren Committee's report ha Oswald acted alone, good luck to you my friend. History has shown us the Oswald and Ruby knew each other ahead of time. There were more than three shots fired that day. Some reports count as many as 7. From multiple angles. The gun found was not the killing weapon, and wasn't even fired by Oswald.  Ruby mysteriously contracting cancer while in jail? This is part of the plot, Oswald worked on in New Orleans with others in a lab developing cancer strains to try and kill Castro. It mysteriously find Jack Ruby in jail in Dallas? Lost of people point to LBJ. Another person on that list could be George H Bush. Who was in charges of the CIA at the time and a fellow Texan! Hell, Gerald Ford was on the Warren Committee.

When Regan was shot and. G.H. Bush was VP, wasn't G.W. Bush at the CIA then? Texans work in groups, just saying, and they are all still afraid of LBJ, even dead!

If we are allowed to ask on question at the Pearly Gates, my generation will most like as about this? Or O.J. Or the Ramsey kid, or the Lindbergh baby? Great mysteries that evoke conspiracy theories.

Just goes to who just how BAD our government sucks and keeps us down!

The Lost Art of Customer Service.

While the title of today's installment may not surprise anyone who has been around for the last few years, I was reminded again today about the lack of customer service in our retail businesses today. to go hand in hand with this is also the fact that people do not respect other's space in the retail 

market today either.

Earlier today I was at the supermarket to purchase some butter. I also picked up a bottle of Coke and a Diet Coke. I made my way to the express line with my three items and stood in line. The woman in front of me was writing a check for $142. There were way more then 9 item in her basket, but she was a older woman, so the gentleman in me didn't mind too much.

My turn! I step to the head of the line. Without a word, the clerk slides my three things across the scanner. $6.03 she says flatly. I hand her a $10. She hands me a wad of bills and coins and my receipt, and without a word, starts scanning the next guy's stuff. Before I can even get my change in my pocket, she has scanned three items, bagged them, and set them next to mine. In the meantime, the fuckwad behind me has moved to within about 6" of me and is crowding me away from the bagging area. He clears his through as I pick up my items to which I shot him a, "fuck with me and I'll kick your ass!" look, to which he finally backs off.

 I'm thinking this guy has a problem of his own, but the clerk never says hi or hows your day or anything. Didn't even count my fucking change back to me.

When I was younger, people would get fired for that behavior. Our technology had made it to where people can't count change and society has just "accepted" that. While we are at it, lets just give each kid a trophy, just because. We won't keep score, and,,,,, uh wait a min, you mean we already do that?

 Wow, what a nation of pussies we have become!

Calgon take me away!

What is wrong with people today?

This week I started looking at a few things in retrospect. One of these was some iconic photos that had been colorized. The one that commands the most attention from me is the sailor kissing the nurse in Times Square at the end of World War II.

This iconic photo has served as a symbol of the American perspective that the war as over. The man has never been identified, but the nurse has. Since I like the old B&W photos, I was a little torn to see it colorized, but hey, it did look cool. I started reading the comments thinking it would be about how cool it looked, or how it was wrong to color it.

What I read was nothing of the sort.most of the comments were negative all right, but about how the sailor was accosting and nearly raping the woman. They went on about how wrong it was to have this image saying it was OK to do this in public. "Screech!" Put on the brakes and hold on a minute there fucktards! This is not a crime caught in the act, this is the feeling of a nation who had been at war, in THE toughest conflict they had EVER seen, and their feeling of relief that it was finally OVER! 

The comments show what a nation of pussies we have become. Everyone is so "sue-happy" that NOTHING is sacred any more. People don't think like they used to and that seems to be the problem. When we were acting up, even the neighbor would get onto us. If we were lucky, he wouldn't call our parents and tell them, thus we would have abetting waiting when we got home.  Today, the kids would yell back at the neighbor, when he called the parents, he would most likely be told to mind his own business. 

You know progress isn't always progressive. Sometimes it's destructive. I am beginning to think our progressiveness is not worth it. Last night I watched Grownups 2 with my family. Ok, while I'm not usually a fan of part 2 through whatever, as it shows the lack of imagination of Hollywood, it did address the issue. Spoiler Alert!,,,, the local college punks portray exactly what our society has become, a group of spoiled, snot-nosed punks who have no respect for history or anyone outside their group of associates. They deserved to get their asses kicked by the " smelly old geezers".

Even today I read there is a group trying to ban residents burning wood to heat their homes becaus of air pollution? Well let's ban Smoking! That is more harmful air pollution than burning wood to heat a home. It is more offensive to me to be inside somewhere having some jerk wad blowing his Marlboro in my face, than smelling a distant fire on a winter night. When you say something to king ash, he threatens to sue you or hit you. That is usually till I stand up and tell him I'll shove his pack up his ass, I usually get an apology as he looks up at me then, but he still smokes indoors. Go shoot yourself in the head ass-wipe!

I notice the next several posts I have lined up are all about the same thing. More to come soon.

For my comfort?

I had to undergo a sleep study last week. I have heard a little about these as my dad wears a CPAP when he sleeps. Trust me, when he doesn't it sounds like a chainsaw with no muffler. Anyway, I had to go in and let some stranger watch me sleep to evaluate me for a possible mask of my own.

Not knowing exactly what to expect, I started off on my adventure. It said to bring something comfortable to sleep in. " My comfort was very important!" I believe that was the exact wording. I show up about 35 min before my time, just to make sure I could find the place. I was already tired and yawning a lot more than usual so I figured this would be a breeze. After a few min of paperwork it was time for orientation. I knew I was going to have a few electrodes stuck to me, but I didn't expect anything like this. My head was marked and sectioned like I was going in for brain surgery. Then an electrode was GLUED to each intersecting point. I had one behind each ear, beside each eye, each side of the corners of my mouth, and on my throat.there were also electrodes stuck to my chest and each calf had two. A measurement belt around my stomach and one around my chest and last but not least, an air tube that went in each side of my nose, and had an extra tube to go to my mouth. I now know what a fish feels like on the hook! 

Now, I look like Pinhead from Hellraiser with about 40 feet of wires coming out of the back of my head. The tech tells me to stand up and get into bed. The wires to the electrodes on my calves are about a foot too short,so I have to walk all hunched over to the bed. After a short stay on my back, I can move to any position I want. Sure, what a neat trick that will be!

Starting off the night, the finger sock kept coming undone, after 4 trips, the tech had it working again and I could roll onto my side for some shut eye. The 40 feet of wires had another idea though. Once on my side, half of them came unplugged, the leads to my legs were so short I couldn't stretch out, and I felt like I was choking on wires. Where's my fucking comfort now, damnit?

The tech returns to fit me with a mask. I guess I was so tired, that I actually fell asleep, even though it didn't feel like it. Alright, the tube come out of the nose and mouth, great! At least I can breath again. That is until the mask goes on. Then I couldn't breath at all. After a few air adjustments, I was breathing again and out like a light.

The tech wakes me at 4:30, as the test is concluded. He removes what electrodes he had glued on, but the sticky pads on my legs and chest he leaves. His statement was that a hot shower would remove them very easily. So off I go to shower and wash the goo from my hair and get ready for work. I notice as I walk out of the front of the hospital, my reflection in the window shows me looking like Eraserhead, so I figure I'd better not stop for breakfast.

Once at home, it's off to the shower to get the pads off while trying not to wake everyone in the house yet, as it is still early. The first pad was really stuck, so I let the hot water run over it for a few min. I grabbed and ripped it off. My scream woke everyone in the house. Damn that hurt! It took hair, and even a little skin with it. Alright, 1 down, 5 to go. Now for the second one. I believe I woke the neighbors with that scream. My comfort???? I was looking around for a hidden camera, when my wife came in to see what was going on. I figured the tech may have been a sick SOB and glued these on to see a reaction and maybe had hidden a camera somewhere to watch.

Screw this, I'm going to leave the other 4 on till they fall off on their own. My wife decides a little lotion is in order. At least the skin isn't coming off with the pads, but all of my fur is coming off with each one. I nearly bit through my wallet trying to keep from screaming. You are some sick bastards, you sleep center people, you! I now have two red patches on my chest and four spots on my calves with round cutouts where hair used to be. But I'm free of the pads and off to work.

My comfort???? You torturous asses! Piss off!

The Pig Story

As we near what would have been his 96th birthday, on July 25th, I am reminded of another story often told by Leonard Thomas Hudson.

The pig drank a gallon of milk before he started,

He ran a mile, then he farted.

The farther he runs, the faster he gets,

How far will he run, before he shits?

A farmer laying in the grass,

Raised his head as the pig ran past.

He said, " if he keeps a tight ass and all of his wits,

He'll run 10 miles before he shits!"

Thanks Gramps!

Enough Already!

This is another one of those things where you look at the news and have to ask why certain things are reported and others are not. Why some people get behind certain stories and not others. I think a lot of this is an excuse so people can act out in the name of what ever their story is.

The story of the guy in Florida who killed the black kid, but the guy wasn't black, so it made national news. Had both been the same race or opposite races than they were, we would have never heard about this. Now people who have no connection what-so-ever to either party seem to have an opinion. Either justice was done or it was not. There is no denying the loss for the victims family, or the effect it will have on the suspect, but I don't believe it is our place to cause wholesale riots over it. What is wrong with people today? People who are not close to the case are fighting about it. That is the dumbest thing ever. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they are full of shit! The kid wasn't killed because he was black, this wasn't a racist crime. Why make it into one? Because the narrow minded people who are keeping this up have blinders on and can't see the train till it hits them! Geraldo Revera made some comments that he had to issue an apology for. I saw a news story where the black guy reporting was appalled by the comments. Did anyone LISTEN to what he was saying? He was on the Blacks side of the argument. His statements were directed toward the fact that the jury was obviously chosen in a manner to effect their opinions and not to side with the victim. What they HEARD was Geraldo siding with the white folks and wanting to kill the black kid too. 

I just don't understand I guess. How do you help someone who does not want to be helped? Leave me out of your shit! I don't care what you think anymore. We, in this country, have become Americans one and all. Fuck all that other shit! If you are not an American, you ain't shit! Go fuck yourself! Go back to wherever you think your from and eat shit! Leave us Americans out of your ideals.

Now, stop your bullshit and let's figure out how to fix our economy! Wait, that was the problem already, all these people who are NOT Americans are costing us.

If I offend you with what you believe is a racist attitude, then FUCK YOU TOO! Stop reading my blog and go burn a cross or picket the Capitol or join Jesse Jackson to speak out on the issues. Maybe the Indians should revolt and kill all the NON INDIAN people. How would you feel then you festering racist pricks?

WTF!

I think it's cool that the last three days of the week spell out "W T F". I wonder what they were thinking when the names of the days of the week were thought up. Truthfully, not a damn thing we think of today! I find sadly, that with most of our words and phrases, that is the case. What we come up with was never a thought of before. Here's an example; What is a four letter word, that ends in "k" that means the same as "intercourse"? Every one of you reading this thought, FUCK! You were all WRONG! The word is TALK! Go ahead and google it,,,, I'll wait!

There are just some days that are worse than others for writing material, and today seems to be one of those! Hopefully this will be a good weekend at the Uncle P household. I will have a big part of the time to do what I want for a change, and not what someone else wants. That is at least till the wife and kids get out of bed. Then the break is over and it's back on my head! At least the neighbor mowed her yard and has someone cleaning out the flower beds in front of the house. Ok, now all of you who know me are thinking, sure, you are referring to something else, something sexual about "her". NO I'M NOT! This is the person who inspired the commandment "Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife", "or thy neighbor either ." Trust me, no coveting going on here! Not my style, or type! Besides, my old ass only covets peaceful sleep now and occasional cold beer.

Have a great weekend my faithfuls, 

Uncle P

A Change on the Horizon

OK, so the title is a little misleading.

After receiving an e-mail from the good, conderned folks at Google about my "Adult Content" blog, I decided to change the Adult content disclaimer at he beginning of the blog. When I was a kid, the language I use was considered "Adult Content". I now realize this term is mainly used to refer to porn and images of porn, not some goofball's written words on a blog somewhere.

I want to let everyone know I am a whole lot rough at times in my written language. This comes from an upbringing where we were not allowed to speak like this in public, or it was only used by comedians to make us laugh. Now the language is common place every day. The old joke about a New York Echo comes to mind. "HELLO!"............................... and someone answers,...................."SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

With that being said, enjoy the blog. If I offend anyone, well, I'm not really sorry. You are free to go to a different blog or just not read this one any more. I don't give a shit! No one really cares anymore, anyway.

Uncle P!

Summer of Hell!

So far this summer has turned out like all the rest at the Uncle P household. BROKE! I at least hope to get the boat out and running later this week. Otherwise HOT HOT HOT!

Life as we know it seems to be changing, sometimes for the worse. I was watching a news story the other day about Road Rage. All I could think is people HAVE gone fuckin' nuts! You are really going to get out of your car on a busy hi way and try to fight with someone else??? My first thought is you don't know if the other person is packing or not, or just who the other person is. A funny story here is the guy who tried to car-jack a car at a local intersection. The guy in the car who was being robbed owns several locations where he teaches Marshall Arts and self defense to people. Needles to say they car jacket got his ass KICKED! Good job friend, that douchebag will think twice next time.

In the news story, one of the examples was a guy pounding on the window and threatening the driver with bodily harm. Hmmmm, lets see here, if I just fucking shoot you, am I covered under make my day? If you have a stick or tire iron in hand, I believe I am! I thought about letting the window down just enough for the dumb ass to stick a hand in then rolling it up and driving away. "How fast CAN you run, fucker?"

The main thing to remember is, unless they cause a wreck, they didn't do anything but show how stupid they really are. Once there is a wreck, call the cops. In my life, I have driven more in one year than most people do in a lifetime. I have a million and a half safe miles and have seen most all of it. People are stupid when they drive, we just have to get used to it and make compensations for them. Eventually they will kill themselves and we will be rid of them. Hopefully they don't kill other undeserving folks along the way. Speed on motherfucker, there is a special place waiting for you, and that cop ahead is watching you too! Now drive through my school zone again that fast and watch how fast it ends for you!

The Week that Was!

TGIF! OK, I am glad it is Friday. I am tired and I still haven't even got started.

This week we are starting to move the first of 4 classrooms we will be moving in the next 8 weeks. I also have to move two switch racks. They are in unlocked, student areas. Not a great plan for security. So I am thinking I can save a little money and not have to re-terminate the fiber ends by just passing the whole patch panel across the ceiling. A perfect plan that just got better as I traced the route I would take. That is until the last three feet from the rack. Two lines ran together, one continuing on to a farther rack. Some dumb shit ran one on each side of a pipe for my heating system. There is no way to get the panel out around it without disconnecting it at one end or the other. The end is more than 40 feet away on either end. Well fuck!

After thinking about drinking several beers, or shots, I think I have figured a way around it. A FREE way around it. That will make the boss happy. Maybe I can keep my job a little longer.

Other than that, not much this week. Doing karaoke tonight for the faithful few who still come out. Otherwise fuck 'em !

I'm out till next time.

Uncle P

I'm sorry, you just bring out the "Fuck You" in me!

Ok, I lifted that line from the show Weeds, I still like it. It describes me and the way some people effect me everyday.

A lot has happened since my last installment, so here we go!

I am no longer the chairman of my state committee. I will miss it, but thank God that's over. Kind of a shitty way to do things on their part, but hey, I'm fine with getting rid of that headache!

The stupid bitch in AZ was found guilty of killing her boyfriend, may she rot in Hell. Fuckin' Holmes in CO is planning to plead insanity. Anyone who believes this prick was insane deserves to suck cocks in Hell for eternity! In case you didn't know, he was bargaining for life if he plead guilty. The DA didn't go for that, so now it's off to the funny farm! I hope he gets fucked in the ass by a guy with a 10 lb cock!

Closer to home, we have a national celebrity of sorts awaiting trial. I hope this dude gets his too. He killed his fiancé as well as two little girls under age 12. The serious part is this fucker dated my oldest daughter when they were in high school. Had it been one of my kids he killed, I'd be the one on trial! Hey guys, that bullet proof vest don't cover his fuckin head! What's up with all of this bullshit anyway? Lets get with it already and send all of these bastards to Hell!

On a lighter side, school is almost out for the summer. My work really ramps up then. I was supposed to have an intern this summer, but word must have got out that I am a prick to work for, because now I have none. Oh we'll, fine with me. I like to keep my shit in a row and all lined up where I know what is what.

I'll try not to be so long in writing my next entry, my faithful followers! Till then duck and cover, watch out for the fucked up idiots on the roads, and have a safe and happy vacation time.

Uncle P!

A weekend of fun and Hell!

This past weekend I was involved in other Uncle P activities. I am the state chairman of a committee for my organization. We had our state convention, and I hosted several out of state guests. I did this while sicker than a dog! Top that off with breaking down on the side of the highway on the 100 mile trip to convention.

After all of the sucking of that it wasn't as bad as it seems. I met some new friends and had a good time despite the problems.

Now it is time to go back to work and spend the government's money!

Later everyone! Uncle P

Springtime Bull!

Why is it as the weather starts getting warmer, the Idiots come out thicker? Does the cold REALLY keep the idiots inside?

I am beginning to think it has nothing to do with the Moon phases, or the weather at all. I think that there are just a lot of fuckin' stupid people in the world. PERIOD!

Take for example the MORON in charge in North Korea, Kim Jong Fuckhead, or whatever sound a drawer full of silverware makes as it hits the floor! No one else on earth could give a shit about him, so he starts working on Nukes! When the world starts noticing, he starts making threats. Do you think he and his 10,000,000 starving subjects really believe they can beat the U.S. and the rest of the world in a war? It is a Fool's Errand! It is SUICIDE! It is just plain stupidity at its finest!

No one here give a rat's ass about him and his little piss-ant country! We have bigger problems to deal with! We have our own fuckheads here! Who cares about this jerk-off! The Navy will use him for practice and discard him like an old used condom used on a cheap hooker in Singapore!

So lets look at one of our own. James Holmes! If you don't know, he's the idiot who killed 12 people in a CO. movie theater! He offered to plead guilty for life in prison. Instead he prosecutor wants to go for the death penalty, which really NEEDS to happen. OK, I hear you, quit your bitchin'! What about the dead at his hands? Where is THEIR due process? LETS HANG THIS FUCKER IN THE TOWN SQUARE FOR ALL TO SEE! Anyway, he needs to die, and a slow horrible, painful death! The asshole in CT. Got through his death quick and with little if any suffering. I hope that fucker is suffering now! Maybe we should dig him up and torture his body some more! Anyway, Holmes needs to SUFFER then die! He is no more insane than anyone else out there. Go ahead, pick someone. Sybil wasn't insane! They all got along nicely! ( I couldn't resist!)

Lets tie Holmes to a rocket and send it to North Korea, then the fucker can do his patriotic duty and kill another killer while he dies a fiery death himself! Kill two birds with one stone! LOL
Uncle P out!

Fundraising, Uncle P Style

Last week was our annual fundraiser event for our kids charities in the state. While the event was marred by some personal problems, more on that at another time, it seemed to go of just fine. I hosted the event as MC. I tried to tell some of my stupid jokes. Some worked and some did not. I wonder if my writers also wrote for Seth MacFarlane at the Grammys. His jokes didn't go over well either.

Attendance was down some this year. The haters were boycotting as usual and campaigning to keep everyone away. If they really wanted to do some good, why not give up something meaningful for Lent. I don't know,,,,, like breathing! Yeah, sure, give up breathing for 46 total days. Sure would make ME happy! You fuckin' douchebags!

Despite their efforts, we did raise over $2,500 for our charity base. Considering the lack of people there, this was a good figure!

I have informed everyone involved that I am retiring after this year. I will be available for music, lights and sound, but I will not produce or direct the show. I do not know how that was received but I'm sure Ill find out very soon.

That's all for now from the land of Makebelieve!

I Think My Gene-Pool Needs Chlorine!

This is an older story, but I need to post it here to get it out of my head, kinda like a bad 70's song! The frightening part of this is I share genes with these people. I don't know what happened. maybe I am just like this and just never knew it before.

The story starts long ago, when my oldest daughter was about 12-13. She actually was walking through the house, with a wireless phone and an open phone book. She came to the living room where my wife and I were watching a program on T.V. and politely asked, "How do you spell Y.M.C.A.?" I was floored. After I stopped laughing, I helped her find it in the phone book. I laughed secretly about it for years afterward.

Fast-forward 12 years. My son is making his Christmas list for Grandma. He wants a Nintendo D.S. He walks into the room where my wife and I were sitting and talking about whatever, and.... OK, I know you see this coming, but wait for it...... He calmly asks us, "How do you spell D.S.?"

Have you stopped laughing yet? It gets more interesting. A few years later, we were out for Sunday dinner, and my son, who loves to antagonize his older sister, made a statement about the Y.M.C.A. incident. She retaliated with the D.S. incident and continued on to inform him just how stupid he was because he couldn't spell a two letter word. Without hesitating, my wife, gotta love her, interjects to my daughter, "I don't know why you're getting onto him, you couldn't even spell a three letter word!" MYSTERY SOLVED!

My youngest daughter is a straight A student, like me. She is on Honor Roll, like me! Maybe it isn't my side after all. Then I look at the rest of my family; mom, dad, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles; and start to wonder. Maybe it IS me!

By the way, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD!  My parents have been married 52 years today. They are also the poster-children for determining how long a couple has been married, by how the fight in public! My folks are the ones you see on each side of the upper deck of the Mall, yelling obscenities and profanities at each other across the opening to the floors below!

Later.

The Purpose of Humans!

I already hear the comments, before you type! What the f*** is he talking about this time? Who the HELL does he think he is? OK, OK, before you grab your torches and pitchforks, let me explain!
I recently had to accompany recruiters to various schools to recruit students for next year. Don't worry though, I'm the tech guy and I am kept in a cave under lock and key, so I cannot influence any children. When I get let out like this, I am tethered with a ball gag and shock collar to keep me under control. I just had to go to hook up and run the equipment, because,,,, well that's my job!

Anyway, as I sat and watched the recruitment video, which was made by our Digital Media students, I noticed something strange. All of the outgoing, and articulate students were in the classes which require a brain to complete. In other words, you have to think to do the job. The students who could not talk very well, or when they did, sounded like "Bubba" from a bad Country and Western song, were in the classes which taught you to work with your hands, i.e. manual labor! There is nothing wrong with manual labor other than it doesn't pay as well as a "brain" job. I just had to wonder if this is really the way we as humans are! Are we predisposed to do a certain job in our life based on our upbringing or where we live? Is it genetic? I believe the terms we explored in college were "Nature or Nurture"! (That's cool, I never thought I'd get to talk about things in terms of college!)

There was one exception, I could see myself in this guy. He was very outgoing and articulate, yet he was in a class of a manual labor trade.He was so good at how he came across, he was used in several scenes for that class. I used to be that way. I wanted to do mechanic work because that is what I grew up around, but the counselors wanted me to do some "brain" trade. I fought them most of my life before I finally gave in and moved to a "brain" trade. I see now, and so will he, I should have been here all along! This is easy and there is more money for doing seemingly NOTHING! I hope he figures it out soon and does not end up having to just "get by" in some dead-end, meaningless job.. Good luck guy!

As for me, I have to go back to "work" now! There is a printer that quit working, or a Wi-Fi that is not connecting, or some other "problem" for me to deal with. Like the song said, "Money for Nothing!", although there are no "Chicks for Free". That's OK. I have plenty at home!

Uncle P out!

What would Garp say about this?

The title is cliche, all I can think is The World of Garp. I sometimes relate to movies, even old ones, better than I do to most people. The phrase "What would Garp Do?" Was just a bit over the top.
As I sit here and touch type this blog on my damned iPad, I am watching Hodgie ,(not his real name) who is remoted into my computer and repairing an issue with a student iPad. Garp's tool was an old fashioned typewriter. I can't imagine what he would think of the modern technology that has come to pass since "The Bastard Son of Jenny Fields" started writing his own works.
While this is only make believe, I can only imagine I would hear the words, "What the f*** is this?".
Unfortunately, Garp died at the end of the movie. Big letdown for Hollywood, can,t make a Garp II. I also can not look at John Lithgow the same way I did before he transformed from football star to a woman. I still hear the line about how dreadful he thought it was to be "bitten off in a Buick!"
As you can see, nothing is worth writing about this week. Maybe I'll have something more in a few. Later!