Paul Revere's Ride

As told by Leonard Thomas Hudson;

Come listen my children and you shall hear
of the midnight ride of Paul Revere
Twas out of the bed, and onto the floor
for a 50 yard dash to the outhouse door;
.
.
and it was locked!

Honest Words to Live By

Here is another saying taught to me by Leonard Thomas Hudson;

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies,
If you ever get hit, with a bucket of shit,
be sure and shut your eyes!

Men are Dogs

This is a saying we have all heard for as long as I can remember. I was reminded of this recently after a family dinner. My wife made meatloaf, which is usually very good. This time, however, it really was not. After dinner, my 14 year old son and I were in the yard working. He made a negative comment about mom's meatloaf. I explained to him not to say that to her, instead, he should act like it was the best he had ever ate. (Typical male fight or flight response, especially if you ever want to have sex again in your lifetime.)  His response was, "you're only saying that because you're married to her."
 He has not become interested in girls yet, so the explanation was more difficult than it should be. I tried to explain to him how important it is for men to be able to manipulate their spouse's or significant other's feelings in a good way, just because you may want to sleep or have a moments peace at some point. Saying bad things about her cooking is just one way to loose a good night's sleep, or be interrupted while watching the ball game. No reason to start something when you don't have to.
Since he has not really discovered girls yet, or figured out that his tally-whacker can be used for more than just peeing, he still does not understand. He is a little behind maturity wise, but he will get there, eventually,
I was a boy once, GOD HELP US ALL when he does!

The Ballad of "Joe Baker"

As originally told to me by Leonard Thomas Hudson;

Joe Baker, Joe Baker, The Candlestick maker,
He was wiping his butt with a piece of brown paper.
The paper was thin, and his finger slipped in,
and oh what a mess poor Joe Baker was in.